Better Ways to Deal With Conflicts in Your Relationship

Intimate relationships bring up intense feelings. Conflict with a partner can feel destabilizing, and make it difficult to be articulate and openly expressive. Many people try to avoid conflict through a variety of maneuvers—pretending to always agree, being aggressively stubborn so the other person is too afraid to speak up, or avoiding topics that could bring up disagreement.

There are always issues in romantic relationships that really get us going. These often relate to our childhood experiences with important others—experiences that were painful, and the emotions of which are stirred up when a similar situation occurs again.

Having someone recognize your deepest fears and offer reassurance can be extremely reparative. Using words to state what you believe the other person is saying can relieve their fear of being dismissed, left alone, or not taken seriously.

Being able to fight productively often brings a couple closer and strengthens their relationship; here are six ways to do this.  

1. Convey Active Listening

Repeat back to your partner what you think you’ve heard him or her say, and ask clarifying questions. This is important even when you think your partner is being irrational. You don’t have to agree with your partner’s point of view to take their feelings seriously. People often assume they know what someone has said, but they have actually misunderstood in a vital way. This can lead to a repeat fight the next week.

Clarify! Even if it seems redundant.

2. Be Authentic

If you don’t understand what your partner is saying, don’t pretend you do; ask for more explanation. And if you can’t apologize honestly, don’t. Placating someone to end conflict can make the other person feel manipulated and dismissed. Try to let go of a need to be the “good one” in the relationship and stay with the goals of closeness and understanding. If you’re angry, it’s OK to show that. It’s a myth that the healthiest arguments are always calm and contained—that’s just not a realistic expectation in an intimate relationship.

3. Set Reasonable Boundaries

If things get out of hand, it’s important that both partners know that they can set limits that will be respected. This safety is key to healthy fighting. It’s essential that couples learn to recognize when an argument is too heated and about to get out of hand so they can take a breather.

What’s important is to come back to the issue at a later point. It may help to clearly establish when this will be so that both parties know their concerns are not being swept under the rug. Keep in mind that some people become enraged by an attempt to pause an argument because of past experiences when this tool was used to dismiss them.

4. Employ a Well-timed Call-back

Does your fight feel familiar? Most couples endlessly repeat different versions of the same fight. There's nothing wrong with that; it happens to all of us. But if you notice you’re going down a road that led you nowhere the last time, and point that out tactfully (rather than “Here we go again!”) you may be able to have a productive dialogue about how to communicate more effectively and avoid that pitfall.

If both parties are curious about what’s going on between them—what each person contributes to the interaction—they can begin to work things out together.

5. Physical Gestures Go a Long Way

Even if things can’t be resolved immediately, it’s important for your partner to know that you still care. Sometimes it’s hard to say “I love you” when you feel hurt and angry. A physical gesture can be reassuring at a moment when your partner is feeling anxious and distant. However, it’s important to respect the other person’s signals and not push too far for physical closeness when they may not feel receptive.

Continuing to openly give yourself to the relationship, even during a rocky period, allows both partners to recognize that conflict doesn’t have to mean the end. This emphasizes the goal of strengthening the relationship, rather than making the other person bend to your will.

6. Have Patience

It takes time to work through core conflicts in relationships. We all have baggage that stays with us. Remember that conflicts lessen in intensity over time, leading to greater mutual understanding.

source:-psychologytoday

Drink Warm Clean Water With Lime to stay Healthy

We have all heard it somewhere or the other that drinking warm water with the juice of one lemon, is beneficial for health. Here is delving into the reasons...




Helps your digestive system


Warm lime water on an empty stomach early in the morning helps stimulate the gastrointestinal tract. Digestion improves, heartburn is reduced and it helps in the process of elimination.




Detoxifies liver
lemon juice has  citric acid, which helps the enzymes to function better. It also stimulates the liver and aids in detoxification.




Works on your pH level
The acidity in our body can be harmful and lemon water can help reduce this. Though lemon has citric acid, the nutrients and minerals in it are alkaline in nature. Citric acid is not a strong acid and so, is easily removed from our bodies by elimination processes like perspiration. Lemon, however, stimulates the formation of calcium carbonate that neutralises other strong acids in the body. This is helpful, especially if your diet is heavy in proteins like meat and cheese. Experts say lemon can help change the pH balance of the blood and can also help in dealing with urinary tract infections.




Strengthens your immune system
All citrus foods are a storehouse of vitamin C. This vitamin is known to fight colds and is good for your immune system. Lemons also have potassium, which stimulates brain and nerve function and controls blood pressure.



Clears and freshens your skin
Experts say that vitamin C is great for youthful skin, because it helps in the production of collagen. Its antioxidants revive dull skin and keep it healthy Warm lemon water removes toxins from the blood stream. Also, diluted lemon juice, when applied to blemishes, can actually help lighten them.




Battles bad breath
Lemon juice battles bad breath by keeping bacteria away.




Aids in weight loss
Lemon juice in the morning fights food craving. Also, it has been found earlier that people who maintain an alkaline diet tend to lose weight more quickly than others.




Do not overdo the lemon bit
Do not overdo the lemon. Just because one lemon helped you lose two kilos, squeezing four in your juice will not help you lose eight! Lemon has corrosive properties too and your tooth enamel may suffer.


Note to remember:

Adding a little honey to your lemon juice makes it more palatable and also battles phlegm and helps rid your body of mucous.

Never:

Use bottled lemon juice. Only the natural lemon is beneficial.

Always:
Rinse your mouth with plain water after you drink lemon juice.




source:- Time of India

Let Go Of Painful Memories That Hinder Your Happiness

Good memories are things we treasure. But what about painful memories?

Painful memories hinder our happiness. They bring us down and make us feel regretful, upset and even so blue that we literally can’t move forward. Our life remains at a standstill.

We all dwell on the past from time to time. It’s natural – it’s human to do so. We have all experienced things and built up memories, and we’d be pretty darn odd if we never dwelt on painful experiences.

But when our dwellings turn into obsession, things become more unhealthy. No longer able to break free from the painful memories, we’re not living our life. We’re not fulfilling our potential. Instead of being happy, we’re miserable.

It’s not easy to let go of the past. Sometimes, professional help is needed. But if you’re looking for a way out right not, here are 10 tips on how to let go of painful memories that hinder your happiness.

Be Kind To People

A really easy way to lift yourself from a vicious cycle of negativity and pain is to practice kindness to other people.

Visit your local soup kitchen or homeless shelter. Help those in need. Show compassion at all times. Spread positivity.

Remind Yourself Of Your Values

Have you ever been on a night out, and got so drunk that you said something totally out of character, and which you deeply regretted the next day? I’m pretty sure we all have. The reason we regret what we said so much is because it didn’t align with our values. We ‘lost ourselves’ for a few moments.

Similarly, you might be dwelling on a moment from your past where you did something totally out of character. Perhaps your behaviour didn’t match up with your values. If so, take some time now to outline what your values and morals are. What is important to you? In this way, you can be surer that you won’t make the same mistake again.

Meet New People 

Sometimes, all it takes is a new person in our life to help us move on from the past.

I know how difficult it can be to motivate yourself to meet new people right now. Especially if you’re going through a bad breakup, you find yourself comparing everyone to your former lover.But meeting new people really can kick-start the healing process and bring about closure.

Remember That The Past Is The Past

Sounds pretty straightforward, right? So how come many of us find it hard to accept this?

Perhaps the answer is that we don’t want to accept that the past is the past. We cling onto memories, no matter how painful they are, because we still want them near to us. There could be many reasons for this. Perhaps you wish you could go back in time and do something differently, or perhaps there is someone who you still love and who you wish was still around.

But key to letting go of the past lies in the acceptance that the past really is the past. It’s never coming back. It’s much easier to accept this and move on. What was once near is now distant.

Focus On What You Can Change

You can’t change something hurtful that’s already happened to you. For this reason alone, it’s pointless to keep devoting so much of your energy to it. Nothing will change what has already been done.

For happiness, it’s a good idea to focus on what you can change. Take stock of your life and ask yourself where you can make a positive change right now. Maybe you could devote your time and energy to helping others, or maybe you could change career.Whatever you do, it’s important that you’re always moving – and looking – forward.

Learn From The Experiences

A lot of us dwell on painful experiences and extract only the poison from them.But isn’t it time that you started to draw out an antidote instead?

A positive interpretation of a painful memory is still possible. If something bad happened, such as a breakup, you should examine the lessons behind the breakup. Examine what went wrong. Learn from it.

There is always a lesson to be learned from every experience. Don’t allow your mind to focus simply on the act. Figure out the Why’s and What you will do differently next time.

Forgive

“We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.”

     – Martin Luther King, Jr. 

Yes, it can be very hard to forgive someone who hurt us. But without forgiveness, you can never move on and be happy. You will remain forever enchained to the past.

Without the ability to forgive, you will also be without the ability to give love, thanks and compassion. You won’t be able to love yourself, neither others.Cut others some slack. Remember that we all make mistakes.

Find A New Passion

Sometimes, the key to letting go of painful memories is rebirth. Newness. Reinvention.

To get away from the past can mean getting away from the things that remind us of the past. So what better thing to do than find an exciting new passion that has no links whatsoever with what has happened to you before?A new passion can be anything, from travelling to rock climbing, cooking to learning a new language.

Don’t Force Yourself To Forget

Forcing yourself to forget a painful memory is a bad idea because you’re still focused on it.Don’t purposefully block something out. Let it leave your aura naturally. It will go.

Let Go

Lastly, just let go.

I know this might sound too simplistic right now, and it’s true that letting go of something doesn’t mean it’s gone forever, which is why you need to let it go a second time when it returns.Maybe it will return again, so let it go again.Each time, it will return with less power until eventually it really will be out of your life for good.

source :- tips and beauty

CALM AND MOTIVATE YOURSELF WHEN LIFE IS GETTING TOUGH

Ah, if only life was as carefree and void of responsibilities as it was when we were kids, hey?

Many of us pine for our childhood whenever we’re under pressure. When life begins to get too tough and the sharpness of reality is as threatening as a knife, we just wish we could be ten years old again, playing catch in a field with our best friends.But running away from problems won’t help you. You tried exploding and getting angry, but you realised that doesn’t help either. In fact, the only way to get through stormy periods of your life is to stay calm and motivated.

But how do you do that? Let’s take a look.

Stay Positive

When something goes wrong in our life, it’s natural to focus on the wrongness, right?

Sure. If you’re a naturally negative person, anyway.

Positive people, however, put a positive spin on things, no matter how rough life is becoming. And this is what you need to do, too.

Last year, I had a moment of truth that really tested me. I suffered a bad episode that really derailed me for a while. But as I came to realise, it wasn’t so much that the episode was bad, it was more that my interpretation of it, my perception of it was bad.Once I started to give a positive spin to the episode, I suddenly felt free. I felt great.

Don’t Be A Victim

I know how easy it is to feel sorry for yourself right now. I’ve been there. But making yourself a victim is not going to help you. It won’t get you out of this situation, and it certainly won’t motivate you.

Free yourself from the victim label. Adopt an “I can get through this attitude.” Read inspiring quotes, watching motivational videos. Be energetic.

Ask For Help

Hey. Everyone goes through tough periods in life. We’ve all been there. But smart people know that their friends and family are ready to help them.All you need to do is ask for help. Don’t be afraid to do this. Not asking for help and facing the battle alone is what exacerbates those feelings of uncertainty and anxiety.

Speak up. Take advantage of the people who love you. They won’t say No.

Avoid Caffeine

Whenever we feel overwhelmed, it’s really easy to turn to our bad habits to get us through it. Smokers will smoke more, drinkers will drink more – and coffee heads will down more caffeine.But is coffee really helping? Or is it actually making us feel even more stressed?

Caffeine should be avoided whenever you feel overwhelmed, because as a stimulant it stimulates those areas of your brain which are responsible for triggering the stress hormone in the first place. Not cool.

Replace caffeine with a healthier alternative to calm your nerves, such as fruit juice.

Take Control

A lack of control can make a situation much worse than it already is. This is when anxiety attacks take over.What does a business owner do when their company is losing cash? They take control, or they get someone on board to take control and tighten the ship.

When we lose control of our car, we work hard to get it back under control.

So why wouldn’t you do the same with your life?

There will be aspects that you can’t control. Forget about them. Identify what you can take control of and take action.

Crack A Joke

They say that “if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry.” This is SO true.

If someone turned your life into a movie, I can guarantee it would not be the bleak, harrowing melodrama you think it is. Instead, it will probably be a rom-com that has the audience giggling.

This is because of how we perceive our lives. You are NOT your experiences – you are just your perceptions of your experiences.

Take a step back from the drama for a moment. Look at your life as impartially as a cinema goer. Don’t cry because you missed a job interview yet again – laugh at the absurdity of it all. Crack a joke. Release a few happy hormones.

Life really is what you make of it.

Say No To People

If you’re far too guilty of always saying Yes to people, now really is the time to get good at saying No.

Saying Yes all the time might make you feel good, but it burdens with you with things that shouldn’t really be on your itinerary. And when life is getting tough, anything that doesn’t benefit you right now should be avoided.

Politely refuse to do what you know you can’t do. Focus only on what really matters at the moment.

Find Out What Is Stressing You Out

Sometimes, we don’t always know what it is that’s stressing us out. A letter in the mail from a debt collector might be the final straw that makes us cry, but it’s the tipping point. Set aside the tipping point for now, and find out what’s really causing all your anxiety at the moment.

A child who is scared of the dark isn’t necessarily fearful of the lack of light. Instead, they’re fearful of their perceptions. Finding out what is underneath the thin layer of dust will help you to learn more about your situation, as well as how you can improve it.

Sleep More

A lack of sleep really can make a bad situation much, much worse. Without a proper night’s sleep, it’s hard for anyone to remain calm and motivated.

Sleep is a great antidote to feeling overwhelmed. Sleep gives your body a better chance to repair and heal, it allows you to wake up feeling fresh and revitalised.

It can also clear up that nasty brain fog, which is clouding your mind and making your situation even worse right now.

Be Grateful

Lastly, give thanks for all the good things you have in your life, from the big to the small. Be happy with what you have, and appreciate your friends and family. Things could always be worse.

source:-beautyandtips

BE YOUR OWN ROLE MODEL

I remember reading Tony Robbins ’Ultimate Power for the first time when my life was at a bit of a crossroads. I had a terrible sense of groundless and really didn’t know where I was going in life.

The book taught me one very important thing that stood out: If we want to be a success at anything, we must find others who have been a success before us. Then, we should model our lives on theirs.

So I set out to do just that. I picked three people I admired the most and began to study their habits, behaviours and choices.

It worked for a while and I did see some positive changes in my life. But eventually I started to realise that looking to others for inspiration meant that I wasn’t looking within myself. I was constantly playing roles. I was acting. I was shadowing other people. My decisions were at odds with my actual values. I felt like a fake. I felt distant from who I really was.

Over the years, I’ve found that it’s okay to model yourself on someone else, but that it’s also important that you be your own role model, too.

It’s YOU that has to set your own standards. It’s YOU that has to decide on your values and stick to them. It’s YOU that has to consistently do the right thing.

If you want to be a better role model for yourself so that your thoughts and actions are always consistent with your values and morals, here are my top 10 tips on how to be your own role model.

Learn How To Make Positive Choices

There is an episode of Frasier when Frasier powerfully sums up what ethics is: Ethics is not what we do when others are watching us. It’s what we do when they’re not watching us.

Anyone can do the right thing when they know they’re being watched. But how many of us do the right thing when we know we’re not being watched? We’ve all cut corners and told white lies. It’s just part of the game of life.

But if you want to be a better role model to yourself, it’s time to start making positive choices. In other words, it’s time to do the right thing all the time.

Eat Better

Is a person who eats junk food and gets too drunk each weekend really going to the one who inspires you? I didn’t think so.

A healthier you is a more productive and inspiring you. Put the right foods into your body from now on.

Apologise And Admit When You Were Wrong

I dislike stubbornness. I think it’s a really negative trait that stops a person from growing. If you hang out with stubborn people who show no signs of changing, I suggest moving on from them.

But before you do, look at yourself first. How ready and willing are you admit when you’ve made a mistake? Or are you the kind of person who continues to insist that you did nothing wrong?

Admitting mistakes is important for a few reasons but more important than anything else is that owning up to an error gives you the chance to atone and learn.

We learn from our mistakes. It’s how we grow. But if we’re too stubborn to first of all accept that we made a mistake in the first place, we will never grow.

Be Prepared To Fail

If you aren’t prepare to fail, you’re scared to live your life. Take the risks and deal with the consequences. If you fail, learn from it and get back on the horse.

Respect Other People

Part of the problem I had when modelling myself on other people was that they didn’t always share the values I had had since childhood. And because I’m a firm believer that the values we have as children are the ones we have for life, I knew that I had to become my own role model.

Your personality might change as you get older, and your habits and behaviour might change, too. But your core values always remain the same, even if you don’t always stick to them.

It’s like when you have a few cocktails. The alcohol and the context sometimes causes you to say and do things you regret the next day. You weren’t being true to yourself, but by acknowledging your erred, you’re acknowledging that you have immutable values.

Respect is a huge deal. Respect yourself and everyone else. Don’t ever take a day off from respect. Respect children, your elders, rich people, poor people  …  respect everyone.

Be Kind To People 

“Practice kindness every day to everyone and you will realise that you’re already in heaven now.”

     – Jack Kerouac  

Don’t be mean to people. Be kind. Show compassion every day. This will inspire you and those around you. Life is more beautiful when you show love.

Follow Through

Okay, so you’ve made a decision to finally do something. But are you going to stick to it this time?

Possibly not, right?

Okay. But failing to stick to a decision is bad form. If you can’t finish something you started, you wont’ achieve your potential. You will always be stuck in development hell. You will remain where you started.

Sometimes we don’t follow something through because we fear we’re not good enough and that we’ll fail. But following something through and achieving it proves to yourself that you are good enough. And if you did it once, you can do it again.

Dress To Impress

People who walk around in their rags don’t impress us. And when you look at yourself in the mirror wearing your worst, baggy clothes, you’re hardly going to feel inspired.

Give yourself a boost each day by dressing to kill all the time.

Show Confidence

Confidence is so important. Without it, we will struggle to achieve anything.

Think of all your role models in life. The one thing they all had in common without fail was confidence.

To become the person who inspires yourself, you need to have confidence in your abilities. Without it, it’s impossible to be your own role model.

So make snap decisions. Take the lead. Grab the bull by the horns.

Be Honest

Lastly, a good role model is one who is sincere, honest and open. Make sure this is you.