Let Go Of Painful Memories That Hinder Your Happiness

Good memories are things we treasure. But what about painful memories?

Painful memories hinder our happiness. They bring us down and make us feel regretful, upset and even so blue that we literally can’t move forward. Our life remains at a standstill.

We all dwell on the past from time to time. It’s natural – it’s human to do so. We have all experienced things and built up memories, and we’d be pretty darn odd if we never dwelt on painful experiences.

But when our dwellings turn into obsession, things become more unhealthy. No longer able to break free from the painful memories, we’re not living our life. We’re not fulfilling our potential. Instead of being happy, we’re miserable.

It’s not easy to let go of the past. Sometimes, professional help is needed. But if you’re looking for a way out right not, here are 10 tips on how to let go of painful memories that hinder your happiness.

Be Kind To People

A really easy way to lift yourself from a vicious cycle of negativity and pain is to practice kindness to other people.

Visit your local soup kitchen or homeless shelter. Help those in need. Show compassion at all times. Spread positivity.

Remind Yourself Of Your Values

Have you ever been on a night out, and got so drunk that you said something totally out of character, and which you deeply regretted the next day? I’m pretty sure we all have. The reason we regret what we said so much is because it didn’t align with our values. We ‘lost ourselves’ for a few moments.

Similarly, you might be dwelling on a moment from your past where you did something totally out of character. Perhaps your behaviour didn’t match up with your values. If so, take some time now to outline what your values and morals are. What is important to you? In this way, you can be surer that you won’t make the same mistake again.

Meet New People 

Sometimes, all it takes is a new person in our life to help us move on from the past.

I know how difficult it can be to motivate yourself to meet new people right now. Especially if you’re going through a bad breakup, you find yourself comparing everyone to your former lover.But meeting new people really can kick-start the healing process and bring about closure.

Remember That The Past Is The Past

Sounds pretty straightforward, right? So how come many of us find it hard to accept this?

Perhaps the answer is that we don’t want to accept that the past is the past. We cling onto memories, no matter how painful they are, because we still want them near to us. There could be many reasons for this. Perhaps you wish you could go back in time and do something differently, or perhaps there is someone who you still love and who you wish was still around.

But key to letting go of the past lies in the acceptance that the past really is the past. It’s never coming back. It’s much easier to accept this and move on. What was once near is now distant.

Focus On What You Can Change

You can’t change something hurtful that’s already happened to you. For this reason alone, it’s pointless to keep devoting so much of your energy to it. Nothing will change what has already been done.

For happiness, it’s a good idea to focus on what you can change. Take stock of your life and ask yourself where you can make a positive change right now. Maybe you could devote your time and energy to helping others, or maybe you could change career.Whatever you do, it’s important that you’re always moving – and looking – forward.

Learn From The Experiences

A lot of us dwell on painful experiences and extract only the poison from them.But isn’t it time that you started to draw out an antidote instead?

A positive interpretation of a painful memory is still possible. If something bad happened, such as a breakup, you should examine the lessons behind the breakup. Examine what went wrong. Learn from it.

There is always a lesson to be learned from every experience. Don’t allow your mind to focus simply on the act. Figure out the Why’s and What you will do differently next time.

Forgive

“We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.”

     – Martin Luther King, Jr. 

Yes, it can be very hard to forgive someone who hurt us. But without forgiveness, you can never move on and be happy. You will remain forever enchained to the past.

Without the ability to forgive, you will also be without the ability to give love, thanks and compassion. You won’t be able to love yourself, neither others.Cut others some slack. Remember that we all make mistakes.

Find A New Passion

Sometimes, the key to letting go of painful memories is rebirth. Newness. Reinvention.

To get away from the past can mean getting away from the things that remind us of the past. So what better thing to do than find an exciting new passion that has no links whatsoever with what has happened to you before?A new passion can be anything, from travelling to rock climbing, cooking to learning a new language.

Don’t Force Yourself To Forget

Forcing yourself to forget a painful memory is a bad idea because you’re still focused on it.Don’t purposefully block something out. Let it leave your aura naturally. It will go.

Let Go

Lastly, just let go.

I know this might sound too simplistic right now, and it’s true that letting go of something doesn’t mean it’s gone forever, which is why you need to let it go a second time when it returns.Maybe it will return again, so let it go again.Each time, it will return with less power until eventually it really will be out of your life for good.

source :- tips and beauty

CALM AND MOTIVATE YOURSELF WHEN LIFE IS GETTING TOUGH

Ah, if only life was as carefree and void of responsibilities as it was when we were kids, hey?

Many of us pine for our childhood whenever we’re under pressure. When life begins to get too tough and the sharpness of reality is as threatening as a knife, we just wish we could be ten years old again, playing catch in a field with our best friends.But running away from problems won’t help you. You tried exploding and getting angry, but you realised that doesn’t help either. In fact, the only way to get through stormy periods of your life is to stay calm and motivated.

But how do you do that? Let’s take a look.

Stay Positive

When something goes wrong in our life, it’s natural to focus on the wrongness, right?

Sure. If you’re a naturally negative person, anyway.

Positive people, however, put a positive spin on things, no matter how rough life is becoming. And this is what you need to do, too.

Last year, I had a moment of truth that really tested me. I suffered a bad episode that really derailed me for a while. But as I came to realise, it wasn’t so much that the episode was bad, it was more that my interpretation of it, my perception of it was bad.Once I started to give a positive spin to the episode, I suddenly felt free. I felt great.

Don’t Be A Victim

I know how easy it is to feel sorry for yourself right now. I’ve been there. But making yourself a victim is not going to help you. It won’t get you out of this situation, and it certainly won’t motivate you.

Free yourself from the victim label. Adopt an “I can get through this attitude.” Read inspiring quotes, watching motivational videos. Be energetic.

Ask For Help

Hey. Everyone goes through tough periods in life. We’ve all been there. But smart people know that their friends and family are ready to help them.All you need to do is ask for help. Don’t be afraid to do this. Not asking for help and facing the battle alone is what exacerbates those feelings of uncertainty and anxiety.

Speak up. Take advantage of the people who love you. They won’t say No.

Avoid Caffeine

Whenever we feel overwhelmed, it’s really easy to turn to our bad habits to get us through it. Smokers will smoke more, drinkers will drink more – and coffee heads will down more caffeine.But is coffee really helping? Or is it actually making us feel even more stressed?

Caffeine should be avoided whenever you feel overwhelmed, because as a stimulant it stimulates those areas of your brain which are responsible for triggering the stress hormone in the first place. Not cool.

Replace caffeine with a healthier alternative to calm your nerves, such as fruit juice.

Take Control

A lack of control can make a situation much worse than it already is. This is when anxiety attacks take over.What does a business owner do when their company is losing cash? They take control, or they get someone on board to take control and tighten the ship.

When we lose control of our car, we work hard to get it back under control.

So why wouldn’t you do the same with your life?

There will be aspects that you can’t control. Forget about them. Identify what you can take control of and take action.

Crack A Joke

They say that “if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry.” This is SO true.

If someone turned your life into a movie, I can guarantee it would not be the bleak, harrowing melodrama you think it is. Instead, it will probably be a rom-com that has the audience giggling.

This is because of how we perceive our lives. You are NOT your experiences – you are just your perceptions of your experiences.

Take a step back from the drama for a moment. Look at your life as impartially as a cinema goer. Don’t cry because you missed a job interview yet again – laugh at the absurdity of it all. Crack a joke. Release a few happy hormones.

Life really is what you make of it.

Say No To People

If you’re far too guilty of always saying Yes to people, now really is the time to get good at saying No.

Saying Yes all the time might make you feel good, but it burdens with you with things that shouldn’t really be on your itinerary. And when life is getting tough, anything that doesn’t benefit you right now should be avoided.

Politely refuse to do what you know you can’t do. Focus only on what really matters at the moment.

Find Out What Is Stressing You Out

Sometimes, we don’t always know what it is that’s stressing us out. A letter in the mail from a debt collector might be the final straw that makes us cry, but it’s the tipping point. Set aside the tipping point for now, and find out what’s really causing all your anxiety at the moment.

A child who is scared of the dark isn’t necessarily fearful of the lack of light. Instead, they’re fearful of their perceptions. Finding out what is underneath the thin layer of dust will help you to learn more about your situation, as well as how you can improve it.

Sleep More

A lack of sleep really can make a bad situation much, much worse. Without a proper night’s sleep, it’s hard for anyone to remain calm and motivated.

Sleep is a great antidote to feeling overwhelmed. Sleep gives your body a better chance to repair and heal, it allows you to wake up feeling fresh and revitalised.

It can also clear up that nasty brain fog, which is clouding your mind and making your situation even worse right now.

Be Grateful

Lastly, give thanks for all the good things you have in your life, from the big to the small. Be happy with what you have, and appreciate your friends and family. Things could always be worse.

source:-beautyandtips

BE YOUR OWN ROLE MODEL

I remember reading Tony Robbins ’Ultimate Power for the first time when my life was at a bit of a crossroads. I had a terrible sense of groundless and really didn’t know where I was going in life.

The book taught me one very important thing that stood out: If we want to be a success at anything, we must find others who have been a success before us. Then, we should model our lives on theirs.

So I set out to do just that. I picked three people I admired the most and began to study their habits, behaviours and choices.

It worked for a while and I did see some positive changes in my life. But eventually I started to realise that looking to others for inspiration meant that I wasn’t looking within myself. I was constantly playing roles. I was acting. I was shadowing other people. My decisions were at odds with my actual values. I felt like a fake. I felt distant from who I really was.

Over the years, I’ve found that it’s okay to model yourself on someone else, but that it’s also important that you be your own role model, too.

It’s YOU that has to set your own standards. It’s YOU that has to decide on your values and stick to them. It’s YOU that has to consistently do the right thing.

If you want to be a better role model for yourself so that your thoughts and actions are always consistent with your values and morals, here are my top 10 tips on how to be your own role model.

Learn How To Make Positive Choices

There is an episode of Frasier when Frasier powerfully sums up what ethics is: Ethics is not what we do when others are watching us. It’s what we do when they’re not watching us.

Anyone can do the right thing when they know they’re being watched. But how many of us do the right thing when we know we’re not being watched? We’ve all cut corners and told white lies. It’s just part of the game of life.

But if you want to be a better role model to yourself, it’s time to start making positive choices. In other words, it’s time to do the right thing all the time.

Eat Better

Is a person who eats junk food and gets too drunk each weekend really going to the one who inspires you? I didn’t think so.

A healthier you is a more productive and inspiring you. Put the right foods into your body from now on.

Apologise And Admit When You Were Wrong

I dislike stubbornness. I think it’s a really negative trait that stops a person from growing. If you hang out with stubborn people who show no signs of changing, I suggest moving on from them.

But before you do, look at yourself first. How ready and willing are you admit when you’ve made a mistake? Or are you the kind of person who continues to insist that you did nothing wrong?

Admitting mistakes is important for a few reasons but more important than anything else is that owning up to an error gives you the chance to atone and learn.

We learn from our mistakes. It’s how we grow. But if we’re too stubborn to first of all accept that we made a mistake in the first place, we will never grow.

Be Prepared To Fail

If you aren’t prepare to fail, you’re scared to live your life. Take the risks and deal with the consequences. If you fail, learn from it and get back on the horse.

Respect Other People

Part of the problem I had when modelling myself on other people was that they didn’t always share the values I had had since childhood. And because I’m a firm believer that the values we have as children are the ones we have for life, I knew that I had to become my own role model.

Your personality might change as you get older, and your habits and behaviour might change, too. But your core values always remain the same, even if you don’t always stick to them.

It’s like when you have a few cocktails. The alcohol and the context sometimes causes you to say and do things you regret the next day. You weren’t being true to yourself, but by acknowledging your erred, you’re acknowledging that you have immutable values.

Respect is a huge deal. Respect yourself and everyone else. Don’t ever take a day off from respect. Respect children, your elders, rich people, poor people  …  respect everyone.

Be Kind To People 

“Practice kindness every day to everyone and you will realise that you’re already in heaven now.”

     – Jack Kerouac  

Don’t be mean to people. Be kind. Show compassion every day. This will inspire you and those around you. Life is more beautiful when you show love.

Follow Through

Okay, so you’ve made a decision to finally do something. But are you going to stick to it this time?

Possibly not, right?

Okay. But failing to stick to a decision is bad form. If you can’t finish something you started, you wont’ achieve your potential. You will always be stuck in development hell. You will remain where you started.

Sometimes we don’t follow something through because we fear we’re not good enough and that we’ll fail. But following something through and achieving it proves to yourself that you are good enough. And if you did it once, you can do it again.

Dress To Impress

People who walk around in their rags don’t impress us. And when you look at yourself in the mirror wearing your worst, baggy clothes, you’re hardly going to feel inspired.

Give yourself a boost each day by dressing to kill all the time.

Show Confidence

Confidence is so important. Without it, we will struggle to achieve anything.

Think of all your role models in life. The one thing they all had in common without fail was confidence.

To become the person who inspires yourself, you need to have confidence in your abilities. Without it, it’s impossible to be your own role model.

So make snap decisions. Take the lead. Grab the bull by the horns.

Be Honest

Lastly, a good role model is one who is sincere, honest and open. Make sure this is you.

YOU ACHIEVE YOUR LIFE GOALS

We all have life goals. Some of us have bigger goals than others. For example, while some make it their goal to stay fit and healthy, others want to live in the Big house..

But while setting life goals is one thing, actually achieving them is another altogether. How many of us can say that we’re on the right road to achieving our goals? And how many of us are quite frankly miles away from achieving them?

Achieving your life goals could be enough to complete your life. If you’re determined to do just that, let’s take a look at 10 inspirational tips that can help.

Be Committed

Nobody whoever achieved their goals did so without being committed. Put simply, you can’t achieve anything you really want in life unless you give it your all.

Your life goals deserve at the very least from you whole-hearted commitment, desire and determination. If you’re struggling with this process, it might be that your goals need tweaking. After all, if a life goal isn’t worth committing to, is it really the right goal? For you to commit 100% to something, a goal has to be meaningful.

Keep Track Of Your Progress

It’s important that you write down your goals on paper so that you know exactly what you’re aiming for, and what you have to do. But as part of the process, you should also track your progress.

Tracking your progress can b done using a goal-tracking worksheet. Alternatively, you could download and use a goal management app, or implement a method of your own choosing.

Tracking your progress helps you to stay on track. It keeps you updated with where you’re at, and lets you know how much more still needs to be done.

Ask For Help

There will be times when you come up against obstacles in the pursuit of your goals. These moments will define how successful you are in completing your goals. The easy option when faced with what seems like an impossible obstacles is to turn right around and give up.

But you know what’s better? Asking for the advice of others! You might not realise it, but people can help you achieve your goals. Why do everything yourself when you’ve got friends and family to call on?

Take Action

What separates people who achieve their goals from those who don’t is that the former took action, while the latter group did not.

You can’t keep waiting around for things to happen. You can’t let yourself get stuck in planning hell, nor can you keep on making excuses, such as “I have no time this week.”

Now is the time. If you want to achieve your goals, you simply have to take action.

Tell People

When I wanted to lose more weight and become healthier, I made a big announcement about it on Facebook. I told everyone who could see my post what my goals were and wanted to achieve. Why? Because it made me accountable to other’s.

Making yourself accountable to people you care about is a great way of reaching your goals. Once you’ve told people you’re going to do something, you will be much more determined to go out there and actually achieve it.

It’s not easy sharing your setbacks, admittedly. But doing so will encourage your friends and family to give you words of encouragement, and this will help to keep you on track.

Break Them Up

One of the most common reasons people fail to achieve their goals is because they’re just too big and unrealistic. This happens a lot of life goals especially; we want things such as penthouses and yachts, but we soon realise that achieving these things is just going to be way too difficult.

For this reason, it’s a good idea to break your long-term goal into a series of small-term goals that will help you to achieve your aim. Basically, you’re setting milestones which are smaller goals that are easier to achieve than the massive long-term goal.

Achieving goals is a marathon, not a sprint, and you have to take baby steps to get to the end.

Be Specific

If you simply say, “Oh, I want to lose some weight!” you’re being way too vague. How much is some weight? And when do you want to lose it by?

To help you achieve your goals, it’s a good idea to be a lot more specific. Instead of simply saying that you want to lose weight, write down how much weight you want to lose and when by.

Setting dates gives you a clearer target to work towards. Without a date, it’s hard to stay on track because you could tell yourself “Oh, I’ll do it tomorrow or next week.”

The consequence of this is that you keep on putting things off.

Repeat Mantras

A mantra could be something as simple as “I can do this, I can do this.” Remarkably powerful things, mantras can help you to achieve your goals.

Be Prepared To Work Hard

Nobody who achieved any goal had it easy. Everyone who set life goals and went out and achieved them had to work hard for it.

You hear all kinds of rags to riches stories all the time. Jim Carrey’s family was so poor when he was growing up that they all lived in a van. Oprah Winfrey was raised by a single mom in a poor neighbourhood. Michael Jordan was turned down by his colleges varsity basketball team.

To put your destiny in your own hands, you have to be prepared to move a lot of dirt. There will be obstacles, but if you want this, you have to be ready to square up to challenges.

Visualise Your Goal

If you visualise something, you have a much better chance of achieving it. Athletes and entrepreneurs do this all the time. They picture how they want things to pan out, as it gives them a psychological edge.

For example, a soccer player on the eve of a final will picture himself lifting the trophy. An entrepreneur setting up business will picture it winning awards.

Visualising success gives you a much better chance of actually achieving it.

WHY YOU SHOULDN’T GIVE UP

Everyone hits certain points in their lives where they are faced with the option of either battling on, or giving up. It could be that you were running a marathon and all you wanted to do is stop running and sit down by the side of the road, or it could be that you have been chasing a dream that you seem to have been chasing forever. It’s at times that like that, that people have to find a reserve that they never knew they had and find the motivation to struggle on to the finish line. If you ever felt like quitting and you needed a reason to carry on, here are ten very good reasons why you should never give up.

1. The best things in life don’t come easy

The easiest thing in the world would be to sit around and be lazy and not even try to achieve anything, but we all know that the very best things in life are the ones that are difficult to achieve. Whether it’s fighting your way to the top of the ladder in your career, or sticking it out with a long distance relationship; it may not easy, but the rewards will be worth it in the end.

2. You’ll always wonder what could have happened if you’d carried on

If you quit early, you will never know for sure whether or not you could have made it and that will play on your mind for the rest of life. Some things that we set out to achieve, we only get one chance at, so, if you don’t see it through to the end, you may not even get another chance to try.

3. There is no such thing as an instant success

For most people, success in any field of endeavour takes time and perseverance and there will be setbacks along the way. Sportsmen and women have to train hard and they don’t win every race, movie stars have to start at the bottom and sometimes their films flop at the box office. The ones who are at the top of their game are the ones who never gave up.

4. If you quit now, you could be setting a precedent for the future

The problem with quitting is that giving up can become a habit, because you start to believe that you will never be able to succeed at anything. Conversely, that’s also why some people seem to be able to win at everything they put their minds to.  It’s not that they are good at everything; it’s that they never give up and they have got into the habit of winning.

5. Because you may not have quite found the right approach yet

Succeeding is usually a process of trial and error. A chef might change his recipe many times before they hit just the right flavour combination, and as we all know, a politician, might change his point of view many times, before they get enough votes! The trick is that they don’t give up the first time, they change their approach, and then they try again.

6. Just doing “OK” never changes anything

People strive to achieve things because they want to make changes, either to own lives or for the benefit of other people. Giving up may be the easiest option to take and, for a while, you may feel relieved that you quit, but, in the end, you will probably regret that decision because your quitting will mean that all the effort you put in was wasted and you changed nothing.

7. Because the only failure will be that you gave up

If you give everything you have to achieve something and you still don’t quite get the result that you hoped for, you are not a loser, because you did your best. A tiny country might have only one competitor entered in the Olympics with no chance of winning at all, but the world will celebrate that person as a winner, because they persevered and they didn’t quit.

8. The last few miles are always the worst

At the beginning of a race or a project, people are usually all fired up and ready to go, it’s towards the end that they run out of steam, lose interest and they want to give up. The final stretch is always the hardest, but that’s exactly the time that you shouldn’t give up, because you have come so far. See it through to the end and, win or lose, you will be proud that you didn’t quit.

9. You will inspire other people

If not for yourself, then think about the people you could inspire by your not giving up. By carrying on, against the odds, you could inspire your children, your family and friends, and even complete strangers, not to give up on their own struggles.

10. Because you may well regret giving up

One of the biggest incentives not to give up is that you probably regret it if you do. You only get one shot at life, and many chances only come along once, so face the challenges head-on and see them through to the end. If you don’t, you will be forever wondering what could have been had you not given up.